I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize