I want to have your abortion
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
