saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
