I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
