they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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