Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
