I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize