"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to calm my uterus...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
