i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
