we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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