trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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