he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
