R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
