did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
