And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
