I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
