I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
