I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
