That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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