I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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