can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
