Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
