I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
