I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
