Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize