Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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