You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
