4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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