I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
