Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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