do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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