Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize