You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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