My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
