hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize