I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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