You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
