just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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