the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
