Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
