p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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