After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
