Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize