Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
