ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
