shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
