I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
