Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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