That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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