dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
