Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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