we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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