I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
