I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
