So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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