Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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