if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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