I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
