That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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