Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think i got beer on your cat.
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