doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize