Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
