dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
