so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
