How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
