He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
